The Great Participation Trophy Heist

Lyrics

Alright lads… the participation trophies have gone too far. Tonight… we become Trophy Liberators! In the suburbs where the plastic glory shines so bright, Every kid gets a medal just for showing up that night. Little Johnny got one for “trying his best”, Even though he came stone motherless last — what a mess! We dads had enough of this soft participation game, Time for the Great Aussie Plastic Heist — reclaim the flame! It’s the Great Participation Trophy Heist! Dads in balaclavas stealin’ glory in the night! Snatchin’ every plastic “You Tried!” award, No more “Everyone’s a winner” — that crap is floored! We’re creep-in’ and sneak-in’, bags full of shame, Re-warding real effort for kids who actually came! Oh what a heist, what a ridiculous sight, The Great Participation Trophy Heist — tonight! We met at the pub at a quarter past eight, Blueprints on a beer coaster, couldn’t be late. Dave brought the ladder, I brought the van, Steve wore the dad gloves so he wouldn’t leave a print, man! We’re medal thieves with hearts of gold (plastic gold, that is), Call us the Ocean’s Eleven Inch Trophies — pure class! It’s the Great Participation Trophy Heist! Dads in balaclavas stealin’ glory in the night! Snatchin’ every plastic “You Tried!” award, No more “Everyone’s a winner” — that crap is floored! We’re creep-in’ and sneak-in’, bags full of shame, Re-warding real effort for kids who actually came! Oh what a heist, what a ridiculous sight, The Great Participation Trophy Heist — tonight! [Bridge – sneaky half-time, building tension] We crawled through the window quiet as a mouse, Thousands of trophies lined up like a participation house. One dad whispered “This one’s for last place!” Another yelled “Mate, that’s a bloody disgrace!” We’re trophy liberators on a midnight run, Givin’ these awards a real participation in history — done! Sirens blaring, lights flashing, we ran for the door, Trophies flying, ribbons trailing across the floor! Karen from the PTA blocked us with her clipboard and van, We said “Sorry love, these belong to real winners, not your plan!” Jumped the fence with medals jingling like stolen gold, Laughed our heads off as the participation vacation got told. Now the kids get real trophies for actually winning the fight, And the losers get… a high-five and “better luck next time, right?” It’s the Great Participation Trophy Heist! Dads in balaclavas stealin’ glory in the night! Snatchin’ every plastic “You Tried!” award, No more “Everyone’s a winner” — that crap is floored! We’re laugh-in’ and runn-in’, feelin’ no shame, Re-warding real winners — Participation’s been tamed! Oh what a heist, what a glorious delight, The Great Participation Trophy Heist — GOODNIGHT! Yeah we did it… trophies melting down for proper medals next year! Participation is cancelled… now pass me another beer! The Great Participation Trophy Heist… Mission accomplished, mate!