Vegemite vs Marmite War

Lyrics

In the year of our Lord two thousand and something… A dark day dawned in pantry history. Vegemite and Marmite… declared war. It started on the breakfast table one quiet Sunday morn, Vegemite called Marmite “that weak British scorn!” Marmite fired back, “You’re too strong and too black!” Next thing the jars were lined up ready for attack! Dad was in the middle with toast in his hand, They both looked at me… “You’re our ambassador, man!” It’s the Vegemite versus Marmite War! Aussie kitchen battle like we’ve never seen before! Yeast against yeast, spread against spread, One nation under Vegemite till we’re all dead! Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi! Slap it on thick and watch the enemies cry! Vegemite forever, we’ll never back down, This is Australia — we own this town! I tried to make peace with a neutral piece of toast, But Vegemite called me traitor, Marmite called me a ghost. They invaded the fridge at the stroke of midnight, Butter was neutral but got caught in the fight. Tim Tams tried diplomacy, failed in seconds flat, While Weet-Bix stood tall like “Not on my watch, mate!” It’s the Vegemite versus Marmite War! Aussie kitchen battle like we’ve never seen before! Yeast against yeast, spread against spread, One nation under Vegemite till we’re all dead! Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi! Slap it on thick and watch the enemies cry! Vegemite forever, we’ll never back down, This is Australia — we own this town! I stood on the kitchen bench, jar in each hand, Tried to broker peace in this no-man’s land. Said “Listen here you salty bastards, listen up good, We’re all yeast extracts doing the best we could!” But Vegemite whispered “You’re either with us or against us, mate…” Marmite just glared… and that was my fate. The war went global, New Zealand picked a side, Brits backed Marmite, but we Australians replied: We stormed the supermarket aisles in full attack, With Vegemite banners and thunderous claps! Kids were crying, Mums were screaming “Not the good knives!” Dad was stuck in the middle trying to save both our lives! It’s the Vegemite versus Marmite War! We fought for our breakfast like never before! Yeast against yeast, spread against spread, But in the end… Vegemite won in our heads! Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi! Thicker, stronger, blacker — that’s our joy! Vegemite forever, Marmite can take a hike, This is Australia… and we bloody like it black as night! Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi! Vegemite till the day we die! Yeah… pass the toast, mate. And keep Marmite on the other side of the ocean where it belongs!